Ok, so by now you all know that I had a meeting at the school on Tuesday that did not go well. It went very bad. In fact it was so bad that I walked out.
The PTB at the school felt that since all they were doing was gathering information they could continue without me... My feelings about that are a whole other post. Since they were continuing the wonderful CM from AK Child and Family stayed to take notes and let me know what happened.
The question most of you probably have is why I felt the need to walk out. What happened that made it get so bad?
The answer... Everything. From the paper they handed me of all the "data" that was collected, to the PTB total lack of respect toward me and the support team I brought with me (I learned a long time ago to never walk into a meeting alone). From the PTB constantly talking over me, to the very evident fact that the PTB were not going to add anything I wanted to the FBA.
I try very hard to work with these people. I do not want backlash for my Cat because of my actions during these meetings. Most of the time I succeed in finding common ground. Some place where we can all agree and go from there. Most of the time I can see the PTB point of view, or at least their side of things. I rarely agree with those, but I can at least find them.
That ability is one of my strengths. I can do that in almost any situation. It is one of the things that allows me to be such a powerful advocate for my Cat. I can come to the meetings calm, and use logic and research to make my points. I can see both sides of the argument. I don't let my emotions take over.
Tuesday, that was impossible. Everything I said was talked over or shot down. At one point the PTB actually told me flat out "I am not going to put in the plan that her AT's have had success de-escalating her. If I do that then you can come back and say that she needs these people in the school with her. I won't allow that."
Let's start at the beginning though. The sheet of "data" that I was handed concerning her meltdowns and the reason for the FBA was not data. I was told that the PTB had "lots of hard data and we will be able to make a plan that will help support the Cat better following her discharge." What they had was a 2 page sheet with anecdotal observations. There was nothing about what time of day the incidents occurred. No information about what was tried to de-escalate, or re-direct the behaviors. Nothing about how long each episode lasted or what behaviors were seen.
What was there was the number of incidents that happened during the 13 days she was in the class. What proceeded each incident. The number of times I was called to come pick her up. And general information about what the PTB considered a meltdown and duration of said meltdowns.
Next we were supposed to try and identify the functions of the behaviors. Well that is a little hard to without actual data so we all started brainstorming. And that is where the big problems came out.
The PTB brought up how the Cat wants to spend her recess interacting with the AT's or TA's as opposed to her peers. First off, YES! HELLO!! She has Asperger's. She struggles to interact with her peers. This is typical. Most of our kids are not very social and feel more comfortable interacting with adults. Also the Cat is in 3rd grade. The other students in her SCC are in 5th grade. So lunch and recess are had with the 4th and 5th graders. Meaning they are wanting my child who struggles socially with peers her own age to interact appropriately with children who are 1-3 years older than she is. Does anyone see the problem here?
I did. I also saw a obvious solution. Change her schedule so that she is having lunch and recess with the 3rd graders again. Apparently this was not a solution that fit with the plan the PTB had. I was told that we could discuss that at a later time. The issue was not when she was having recess but that she needs to interact less with the adults and more with her peers. WHA?????
OK, fine. Still trying to work with these people. I make a note of this and we move on to another topic.
Meds. I do not want to start a debate here. I chose to medicate the Cat and the meds are helping her. The PTB know that she is medicated. They put in the FBA one of the contributing factors to behaviors are med levels. I agree. TO A POINT. I do not want it in any document that the Cat's meds have to be at a certain level. I do want the Cat to think that her meds will solve things for her and that she doesn't have to learn to manage and cope with things without the meds. She will not be on meds for the rest of her life. I view her meds as a tool to help her be able to learn and practice coping skills.
The PTB again disagreed with me. I was told "The meds allow her to learn coping skills in a therapeutic setting. Which we don't have here." I was so angry at that comment. the coping skills need to be practiced and taught everywhere. Not just in therapeutic settings. Do these people even know anything about what they are talking about?
Wait, I still have to work with them. Deep breath. Make a note and move on.
To de-escalation. What works? Well the AT's have had success in calming her outside of school when give the chance to actually interact with the Cat. Let's make a note of that in the FBA. Nope. Sorry not relevant. Its not in a school setting. Here they have never been successful. (BULLSHIT!) Still trying to work with them. The teacher says she has talked the Cat "off the ledge" several times. Sometimes as many as 5 times a day. Great. What worked? What didn't? Oh I don't know. It was never consistent. There was never any consistency in what would set her off and what would calm her down. BULLSHIT!! you just didn't gather actual data for us to work with.
Again the AT's have been successful outside of school. Here are somethings that have worked with them. Can we make a note in the FBA about that? And then... The wonderful line from above. "I am not going to put in the plan that her AT's have had success de-escalating her. If I do that then you can come back and say that she needs these people in the school with her. I won't allow that."
How do you work with that? What should I have done? I explained since it was clear they were not willing to listen to me or work with me to write the FBA I was ending the meeting. We have another meeting on the 12th to discuss placement and programming with a rep from the district. I told them we could continue this discussion at that point and hopefully things would go better then.
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