Remember how just yesterday I was talking about how I was going to embrace the Cat's sensory differences? How I had finally managed to convince myself that fighting them was a losing battle?
Well it would seem that some people want to know why. Don't I want my child to fit in? To be lime the normal kids in school? (I cannot tell you how much I hate that word as a description.) How will she ever be successful in life with all of her problems? The real world won't make accommodations for her forever. She will have to get a job at some point. Isn't it best to teach her how to fit in now? Why do you want to make things so hard on her? Don't give up! You can cure her.
You know what I have to say to that? :-p Go find a hole to crawl into. Feel free to live your life the way you want, but don't you dare judge me.
I never said I was giving up. I said I was trying something new. I was listening to my gut. I have the Cat on a waiting lost for Sensory Integration Therapy with an OT. I know that there are certain things that the Cat will have to learn to cope with. Some things in the world will not go away and she is going to have to learn to live in a world dominated by NTs.
What I was saying was that I don't know how to help her learn those coping skills. I don't process the world in the same way that the Cat does. Oh, how I wish I did, even for just a day. It would make life at home so much easer. But, alas, I don't. So, even though I know my daughter, I don't know how to help her cope.
I know what sets her off. I know what she struggles with. I know what the Cat likes. I know what she doesn't lime. But how do I help her learn to cope? I don't know. So I am trying to get her (and me) help. Someone who is trained to help her manage all of her sensory challenges. In the mean time, rather than fighting every day, over things that really aren't important in the grand scheme of things, I chose to make some minor accommodations.
I mean come on people, does it really matter if she wears jeans or leggings? At least she is wearing pants. Considering it has been a strange winter here and we have lots of snow and cold, I will take that small victory. Does it matter if the Cat wants to sleep in a cave? If it helps her sleep, so I can sleep then, again I claim victory.
But here is the kicker. Here is what really matters in all of this. Stop trying to tell me that there is something "wrong" with my child! That she has a disease that needs to be cured. Autism is not a disease. Asperger's Syndrome is not a disease. It is simply a different outlook on life.
It is not an easy road to walk. There are days that flat out suck. There are days when I want to crawl into bed and wait for the storm to end. It breaks my heart when I watch the Cat struggle with seemingly simple tasks. It sucks when she is struggling to communicate something, and can't find the words.
But then there are the days when she finally grasps a new skill. Days when she smiles and her whole face lights up. We as parents cherish the small things so much more. We know how much effort is behind that little smirk we just saw. How hard Johnny worked to be able to tie his shoes. The day the Cat let me brush and curl her hair. Those little things are huge to us! We live for those moments.
The Cat has an amazing talent for designing clothes, seeing patterns, holding street layouts on her head. She can make connections to things that I would never see in a million years. Why would I want to change that? Why would I look at these skills and think she needs to be cured?
I love my child. I want her to be happy. That is why I am seeking out help for her. Not in an effort to change or cure her. I want to help her to cope, so she can be happy. So the rest of the world can see in her what I see. And until then, I am going to choose my battles. I am going to let her have caves, let her jump till she can't anymore. Let her wear leggings instead of jeans.
NT parents choose their battles all the time. It's common parenting advice. So why do we spectrum parents get chastised when we do it? Why can't we just get along?
That is my request of you, think before you start to judge someone. Often they have reasons for what they are doing. Ask yourself if you are judging them for something that you feel entitled to do. Ask if you truly understand what it is like to live that life. Remember that we are all parents and in the end all we can do is make the best choice we can. Use the tools we have in our toolbox, and make the best decision we can with the given information. Odds are we all feel like we a screwing up anyhow. And if you meet someone who has no doubts, who is not worried about scarring a child, RUN!!! As fast as you can, in the opposite direction, RUN!!!
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