Autism Awareness

Autism Awareness Month? Day? How about life.  ALL DAY EVERYDAY!! (This is going to be long so bear with me)

This week has been rough. I mean brutally rough. ROUGH.

Monday started the week off with a portent of things to come. A preview that this week was going to be filled with contradictions. Week of such lows that I am unsure we will find the strength to dig our way out, and then such joys that you wonder why the lows have to come at all.

I am not talking about the highs and lows of bi-polar (although I know all about those too). I am talking about how one minute my little Cat is happy and excited, ready to take on her day. So thrilled to show off to her teacher a new skill she mastered over the weekend (spitting out her toothpaste without prompting). And by the end of the day I am getting a call asking me to come help calm her down.

Yep you read that right. Owl Park called me to come help calm the Cat down. This is a first. I know something has to be terribly wrong. The staff at Owl Park call or email me after the fact so that I know what happened and how things were handled. There has never been a call to come help calm her down.

Of course I can't drive because of my stupid shoulder injury from the car accident, and there is no one home to drive me in. I quickly make some phone calls and the Cat's AT Miss Amazing is able to go in and help (THANK YOU!!).

In the meantime I am back on the phone with the school and the principal Miss Understanding. I learn that the Cat has shoved a table into the wall. INTO, meaning there is a table sized hole in the office wall. She has been hitting herself, punching teachers (PUNCHING TEACHERS WTF?!?), and banging her head on the glass window. Screaming to be suspended, "Bird Lake suspended me for nothing, why won't you fucking suspend me?" "I want to go home! You all hate me, f*@#% b@%*#!" (Yes my child has a mouth on her,  not sure if I should be embarrassed or impressed.) Miss Understanding tells me that she probably would have suspended the Cat for the destruction and violence, but state testing was coming up and she knew the Cat needed to be there. (See why I love the staff here??? They totally GET IT!!)

Miss Amazing gets to the school, calms down the Cat, and stays for the rest of the day. The afternoon AT session goes really well. Not sure what set this off, but one bad day we can handle. Maybe it's anxiety over the state testing coming up on Tuesday, Wednesday. and Thursday this week.

Tuesday seems to start off awesome. I get a call from the school and my heart skips a beat. Its a good call though. The Cat has finished her reading test and did so well she got a journal as a prize. She wanted to call me and tell me all about it! :-) The rest of the day seems fine, no incidents (that I know of) and the Cat says she had a good afternoon. Her session with her CM goes well and all seems smooth. The Cat seems a little tired, but I assume its just been a long day with the testing and then session. No Big.

I get an email that night that the afternoon was wrought with challenges. Meltdown Cat reared her head and was using foul language again, throwing things at her teacher, and screaming. She did manage to calm down and make it through the rest of the day.  Ok, not great news but hey at least I did not get a phone call. We talk about better coping skills and move on. (I don't try to push much about behaviors at school. I back the school up, but when we get home I don't dwell or double punish.)

Enter Wednesday. I was expecting it to be a tough day for the Cat. It's the writing testing day. The Cat struggles with writing. I tried to make the school aware. They felt prepared. We talked about taking breaks when stressed or frustrated. We talked about different topics that might be on the test. We practiced brainstorming, organizing, and webbing. We did social stories about asking for clarification. We all felt as ready as we could.

The Cat gets through the testing. WHEW!! We are out of the woods.

WRONG!!! Just as I am getting ready to leave to go pick her up I get a call. The Cat has slammed her teacher's fingers in the door. Miss Patient has to go to the hospital and I need to come get the Cat.

She did WHAT?!? My mind just goes into shock. The Cat has never displayed this level of violence. NEVER! WTH is going on with my little Cat??

I am out the door! Get to the school as quickly as I can. The Cat is in a small room by herself with a staff standing right outside. I watch from outside as I see my baby wrought with a level of emotion I have never seen. She is tearing the room up. She has locked the door (staff have a key), pushed all the chairs and the table against the door so that people can't come in. The Cat is ripping at her hair, scratching at her face, pounding her head on the floor.

Miss Understanding leaves Miss Patient with the Nurse and lets me in the room. ( I promise there was a staff right outside the room while the Cat was in there alone.) I go to my Cat and try to talk. She looks at me and rages higher. I have not seen things this bad since we left the hospital. I try to touch her. She bites me. She bites herself. She spits in Miss Understanding's face. Miss Understanding let's me know what the plan will be for the rest of the week. This is serious. We all know that. This can't be ignored. There has to be a consequence. The Cat will be suspended for 1/2 day on Thursday following the testing. I will get a call when she is done and I will go pick her up.

I am trying to see if I can get her 1:1 support back for Friday and next week. We are all hoping that we don't have to start over from square one. Or consider other options. We have a meeting on Monday to look at a safety plan, and support for the rest of the year (about 6 more weeks).

The Cat finally calms down (read shuts down). We leave. We head to OT but the Cat is non-responsive. She is silent the whole ride. She is just gone. Withdrawn into herself. The storm that raged pushed her so deep that for almost 3 hours she was a shell.

I get one more call from Miss Understanding, the school has cleared out, Miss Patient has left for the hospital and she has a little more time to talk.

THEY ARE NOT GIVING UP!!! THEY WILL KEEP WORKING WITH HER!! WE ARE A TEAM AND WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!

I love this place. In the darkest place I have seen my Cat, they are a shining light saying "We will help. We are not giving up. We will figure this out. We are a team and we will work together."

I may feel like a total failure. Like I am losing my baby. Like nothing I do is enough, or is wrong. But through it all I have found a school that cares about my Cat. That is willing to work WITH us to help her. A place where she is safe, even from herself.

THAT IS TRUE AWARENESS!!!