Our Reality

Today we are missing the sunshine and roses. Today there are no unicorns and rainbows.

We have yelling, screaming, SIBs, and threats. We have tears, cursing, stomping, and destruction.

Today we have no where to turn. There is no one to call, no service available. Unless we want to go back "there". The Cat has been discharged from the only services she received. Its not their fault. They were great. But they are  not designed to provide therapies and other services for kids on the spectrum. They can help with behavioral health. They did the best they could. The Cat just needs thing that they cannot provide.

There is no emergency agency to call, to say "I need help" "Things are bad" "I do not know what to do".

There is no counselor or therapist I can call on Monday. They all have waiting lists miles long. I could call her doctor, but that would just mean more meds. I do not want to medicate her into oblivion. I want to know how to help the Cat through this. I want to teach her ways to cope.

There is opening a new Autism unit. But I do not know that it is any good, or even open yet. The last time she went there, she came home with more ideas. She lost a piece of herself, it won't come back. But it might be my only option.

The fact that there are not enough services, that we can't help families in crisis. This is not ok. We need to do more. But that doesn't help me now.

So what do I do? How do I get through this? I know by the end of the night we will be collapse into a ball of tears and exhaustion.

The Cat will fall asleep, after more tears, anxiety, and SIBs. I will struggle to find the strength to get up tomorrow, hoping, praying that something will "go right", that it will be a little easier. Wishing for the Cat to have a good day again, to find some peace and happiness.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe tomorrow we won't need the respite that we don't have. Maybe tomorrow I will find the rainbows.

But today, I cannot find them. Today I need the help. Today is not a better day. Today there are no rainbows. The clouds are hanging low around the Cat House, and there is no help or rest for the weary.